2010-05-19

There is no one as bad as you...

So I am writing. Fanfic. But the thing is, in the story I am writing now I put pieces of me into the story. And it's fucking hard to write.

I mentioned in a post awhile back that my ex dumped me the day after an attempted suicide. Charming of him, no? Anyway, that wasn't the only thing he did. He did it saying he couldn't be in a relationship right then, that he wasn't ready. Two months later, I guess he was ready. Just not with me. 
He got together with some girl who he knew from earlier, but hey... why tell me that? Why tell your ex something big like that?

Well, he did tell me. After he slept with me (and yeah, not one of my proudest moments), and the way he told me. It was so sweet.

"I can't believe the first time I cheat, it's with you of all people. But we should keep doing this, you could be my mistress."

Doesn't that just sound like a sweetheart? It might not be word perfect (translation + years of trying to not think about that night) but still, you get the general idea. If there is one person in this world I truly hate, it's him. I hate him for what he did to me in that hospital. I hate him for the way he crushed me again just when I was about to build myself up again.

He is one of the reasons I am broken. Not the only one, not even the main reason, but still. Part of the puzzle. 

So, I put him in one of my stories. And fuck, it helps. It helps because the people that read it? They hate him. And yeah, it's childish and vindictive of me to like that. And I don't care. 

Over and out

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