Friends that came and went

I think I have "lived" online since I was 15 or so, chats and communities and forums, the lot of it. The interesting thing is all the people you get to know over the years, the sad thing is all the people you loose.

Over the years there have been people that came into my life and then just went away and I didn't think much more of it, online friendships seldom last. But then there has been those people, that stays in my heart long after they left my life. Those hurts. The ones that you wanted to keep around, the ones where I never found out what went wrong. And it hurts.
I figured long ago that the problem must be me. It pretty much goes the same every time, Annie finds a person, Annie talks to person and person manages to get through Annie's barricades. Person turns into Friend. And here is where things usually start to slide. At first it is all hugs and kittens (no puppies here) and sunshine, until Friend start to answer less and less when you try to talk to them. When Friend just... pulls back and Annie is left standing there wondering what the hell went wrong this time. Rinse and repeat.

And people wonder why I have a hard time letting the barricades down?

I could get it if it was someone I talked to for a month, but no, we talk a year or more of chat, not every single day or anything (I aren't that stalkerish) and then they just are gone. For once I really fucking wish one of them could man up and explain themselves.

So what did I start to think about this now? I don't know. I guess I sat remembering names, people I opened up to that just pulled away, people I gave it all and they just... left.

I don't expect people to hang around forever, you can't plan forever. But I wish people could at least give answers.

So here is my request: don't claw your way into my life, don't tell me you love me and we are friends, if you plan to leave without a second glance back.

I don't want to loose more people. I want you to stay.

Over and out