Afterthoughts

I have been a bit silent here since my last post. Why? Well actually, posting that thing was probably something of the hardest things I have done. I don't tell people. Simple as that. And then I post it in public and even though not that many people read this, yeah, it still counts as "telling people". And it was scary. And the post was damn hard to write, to get out what I wanted to tell and still not tell the things I can't talk about. The details that I can only share with 1-2 friends, the people that been through the same and that can understand.

As hard as that post was to write, I think I needed to write it because after all, writing one post about it was way easier than telling several people in person.

One thing that changed after that time, is my fear of pills. I seldom take pain killers. Thomas usually have to tell me to just fucking take the pills before I will do it. It's not that I am scared of getting addicted to tiny pain killers, but it's pills and I don't trust myself around pills. That is why when my depressions come (I still crash 3-5 times a year) I never ask doctors for pills. I don't do the happy pills thing, I know my weakness and I know how easy it is to get addicted without you even knowing you are. I usually rather just power through a head ache than take one simple pill.

That's how scared I am.

Over and out